The News

[rinalin]

Arashi hasn't played a large role in my life for a good two years. I've struggled to balance being a full time student, working full time, and struggling to maintain a relationship that was mostly about financial security on the part of my ex.

M and I wrote hours and hours and hours of Arashi fic that we never shared with anyone. It was my driving interest in Arashi when I didn't have time to download and watch their shows. I always found time to write a few lines and send them back to her in an email.

Then she got married and vanished. And so did a lot of my interest. 

When I poke my head back into fandom again now and then-- Much more frequently now that I'm only holding down one job and no fiancee. And by that I mean once every 4 months to once every 4 weeks. 

And today was that 4 weeks.

I feel a sense of shock. Of pain. Of pride. Of inevitability. Of a whole chapter of my life that spanned the past 10 years is closing. 

I want to go to another concert.

I want to walk away and say good riddance. 

I want to write off my time in fandom as a waste. 

I want to dive right back into fanfic.

I want to cry.

I want to binge watch all the things I've missed over the past few years.

I want to act like I'm 36 and not 13 about this.

Most of all, I want the network of Arashi fans that used to be.

So we could work through the grief together.

 

Comments

[satoyan]

It is a hard time. I hope you get through it as best as possible. ♥

[rinalin]

I watched some things. Recent VSA and then just now Sho's interview on News Zero. It was important. I don't think I can watch the press conference yet. Watching Ohno cry is not okay right now.

But also, like... what even is this?

This happened 3 weeks ago and I didn't know.

If I'm able to forget about them for months at a time and live my life none-the-wiser, I should be able to shrug this off more easily than I am.

[satoyan]

I found watching the press conference to be both devastating and strangely really comforting. However, of course it is only something to do if/when you are ready. ♥

[rinalin]

I'mma letting it sink in for a bit. But I'm going to soon.

Thanks for your love.